The Tortallans Go To Lunch
by ALRI the Crazy Alaskan
Summary: The Tortallans go out to lunch. Thayet gets beat up, I get beat up, I'm pretty sure plenty of people already love this...


I, ALRI the Crazy ALaskan, as respectful fan fic author, admit I own nothing.....nothing but this twisted plot, that is.........MWAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! And Dom....and Neal if you guys wouldn't mind....  
  
* Jon, Alanna, George, Thayet, Myles, Roger, Numair, Daine, Kitten, Kel, Dom, Neal, Cleon, Owen, Wyldon, Raoul, and Joren walk into the Jugged Hare one evening, looking quite hungry*  
  
Jon: Okay everyone, it's on me!  
  
*Everyone cheers rowdily and throw roses at him*  
  
*They are seated and given menus*  
  
*They all want the same thing: cinnamon-toast-crunch cereal and stewed prunes with a side-dish of chicken, fish, Arby's home-style fries, and rabbit food*  
  
One hour later:  
  
Alanna: Great Mother Goddess, I'm hungry!  
  
*Great Mother Goddess pops out of no-where and glares at Alanna, and hits her on the head*  
  
Goddess: What am I supposed to do about it?  
  
*Alanna glares back and sticks tongue out at the Great Mother Goddess*  
  
*Everyone looks at her strangely because she's the only one who can see and hear the Goddess*  
  
*Guards come to drag her away*  
  
Raoul: Okay, I think it's time we take drastic action, we have to attack!  
  
Kel: I agree.  
  
Neal: Ooooooo, fun!  
  
*Neal sticks foot out and trips waiter who was bringing the first coarse of food to another table*  
  
Neal: Was that drastic enough?  
  
*Pulls off lid and finds it is a bunch of ketchup covered chocholate-chip cookies*  
  
Neal: Damn! It isn't our order.  
  
*Chucks it at nearest waitress*  
  
Neal: Where's our food?!!!  
  
*All hear breathy, tormented, moans*  
  
Raoul: *Pant* *Pant* *Pant* Save yourselves! I'm not a pleasant *pant* person when I don't get food *Pant*!  
  
Kel: Wow, he wasn't kidding when he said he gets all funky when he isn't fed regularly.  
  
*Raoul turns green and his clothes rip, unable to accomodate his new muscle*  
  
Raoul (sounding like Arnold Shawrtzinager): I am dee Hulk, and I demand Fooooood!!!!!!!!  
  
*Guards come to drag him away too*  
  
Owen: Excuse me! Waitress?  
  
*waitress turns around. She looks a lot like Britany Spears in the "Toxic" music video where she is wearing the freaky flight-attendant outfit*  
  
*Owen's breath is taken away and he begins to drool*  
  
*The Britany-Spears-wannabe comes over to the table*  
  
Waitress: What can I get for you, cutie?  
  
*Owen falls off his chair and into a puddle of his own drool*  
  
*All women at table role their eyes as the rest of the men notice the waitresses presence and begin to drool*  
  
*Thayet stands up and begins to pout*  
  
Thayet: S'cuse me, but I'M THE CUTE ONE AROUND HERE!  
  
*Thayet grabs tray from nearest waiter and dumps it all over the waitress's uniform*  
  
Thayet: Awww, CRAP, that was our order!  
  
*All begin to beat Thayet up*  
  
*twenty minutes later everyone is sitting at the table looking as though they had not just ganged up on Thayet*  
  
*Thayet's hair is messed up, both her eyes are black, her big nose is crooked, and she is missing teeth, not looking quite as cute as she used to*  
  
Thayet*unable to see through her black eyes*: Hey, I heard that!  
  
ALRI the Crazy Alaskan (me): And......?  
  
Thayet: How dare you?!?  
  
*Thayet stumbles out of her chair and comes after me, knocking over a waiter who was carrying the rest of the Tortallan's order, which went flying all over the place*  
  
*I fall over laughing as the rest of the Tortallans start beating up Thayet again*  
  
*****  
  
*As Thayet lays in her coffin, all the Tortallanswho were at lunch with her when she died and I stand over her*  
  
Jon: To bad, she was hot......  
  
*Alanna and Raoul who are both wearing strait-jackets and are surrounded by their care-takers from the correctional facility nod their heads in agreement with the rest of the Tortallans*  
  
Me: Wait a minute! I need her to be in my next fic! Crap!  
  
*I pull out cell phone and call up my good buddy Black God*  
  
Me: Hey, dude, can I get Thayet back? I need her in my next fic.  
  
Black God: Why should I?  
  
Me (evily): Because I could have you singing and dancing in my next fic along with the rest of the Tortallans!  
  
*I do one of those creepy evil laughs*  
  
Black God: NOOOOO!!!!! Anything but that! I'll bring her back!  
  
Me: Okay, good, bye bye, now!  
  
Roger: Wait, what's this about you making us dance and sing?  
  
Me: Ummmmm.....you see...  
  
________________________  
  
*I get beat up by the Tortallans, Thayet (back from the dead) joins in*  
  
Me *from under all the Tortallans*: Okay, please reveiw, I want to see what yall thought of my first fic! THANKS!  
  
*After my beating is through I go skipping off after giving a big smooch to the 'Submit Reveiw'  
  
button*  
  
___________ 


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